I am a practical joker, I tease, I am a master of sarcasm. Most people who know me, know when they are about to be a victim of my rapier wit ( I do not have a poker face). My oldest son is no stranger to my strange sense of humor. With him, I get as much as I give. (chip off the old block)
This past Friday, David (14) was going to a “Family Dance” at his school. Understandably he was a bit nervous about going, but more nervous about me going.
David goes to a great school. He is very popular there and wants to remain so. The understanding Dad I am, I gave David plenty of encouragement: “I’m going to wear a T-shirt with ‘David’s Dad’ on it and bust my moves”. I also promised to mention his non-existent fuzzy bunny slippers and give him plenty of hugs. I am sure he was brimming with confidence when we walked into the gym.
It didn’t take long for “karma” to lend David a hand. Shortly after the dance started, my youngest son purchased some glow sticks. Justin just had to demonstrate how glow sticks work and in front of my face, he bent the stick to mix the chemicals. Of course the casing burst, spraying my face with the contents. As the disco was using blacklights, I had a rather scary visage with glow in the dark chemicals sprayed on my face and beard. And despite having “non-toxic chemicals” in the glow stick, my eyes didn’t get the word and in short time, agony and blindness set in. I was blindly fumbling around, trying to find the washroom, guided by the screams of small terrified children. My very concerned wife rushed to my side and emptied my pockets of all my spare change as there were 50-50 draw tickets yet to be purchased. She suggested that I get in our van and go home to shower. I agreed this was a great idea and asked if there was a seeing eye dog that could keep up to the van.
At this point the principal of the school intervened and off to the nurse’s office we went. I managed to save my eyes and staggered back to the dance. But were the fates done with me? The answer was a resounding NO.
In an effort to make up for mortally wounding me, Justin volunteered me for a relay race, where I had to maneuver a child’s push toy across the gym….. sigh…, the human body, at least mine, is not made to contort that way. After the laughter died down (none of it good natured) I thought maybe Fate was done with me. Nope.
The dance over, I discovered I had been volunteered to help clean the gym, you would not believe how much popcorn escaped the ravenous appetites of those who purchased the bags. Finally, the gym was cleaned, I was ready to go, to finally, blessedly, leave… When David asked me if we could give one of his friends a ride home, after ensuring David’s friend, did not live in Calgary, I agreed. What harm could there be? Ahhhh, well you don’t know my good friend, Fate. You see, David’s friend won a refrigerator in one of the draws. Of course, a refrigerator! A half-size one, but still not exactly tiny.
I made it home without further incident, went straight to bed before anything else could happen. The lesson I took home with me was nothing. I was never big on Karma and the fates. And when David finally stops laughing, I will have my revenge, if Karma smiles on me.